Archive for the ‘ Humour ’ Category

The Problems With Royality: MARY, MARY

FASHION, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.
A king there was who lost an eye
In some excess of passion;
And straight his courtiers all did try
To follow the new fashion.

Each dropped one eyelid when before
The throne he ventured, thinking
‘Twould please the king. That monarch swore
He’d slay them all for winking.

What should they do? They were not hot
To hazard such disaster;
They dared not close an eye — dared not
See better than their master.

Seeing them lacrymose and glum,
A leech consoled the weepers:
He spread small rags with liquid gum
And covered half their peepers.

The court all wore the stuff, the flame
Of royal anger dying.
That’s how court-plaster got its name
Unless I’m greatly lying.
Naramy Oof

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
US author & satirist (1842 – 1914)

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The Family Institution: FOOD FIGHT

I can’t think of anything to write about except families. They are a metaphor for every other part of society.
Anna Quindlen
(1953 – )

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Evil Genius: A HISTORY OF FAILURES

On two occasions, I have been asked [by members of Parliament], ‘Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?’ I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question.

Charles Babbage (1791-1871)

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Survivalism: MULTI PURPOSE

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Send in the Clowns: RESPONSES

Random Curiosity: JOKER JUICE

I made this up myself during one rare sunny day whilst looking for something to drink. Having a hankering for something icy, sweet and with milk and not feeling like having the “coffee-shakes”, I made the perfect ticket.

Ingredients

½ a cup of crushed ice
½ a cup of berry mix (I used the Sara-Lee frozen in-a-bag variety for this)
½ a banana, sliced up
3 swirls’ worth of Cottee’s choc syrup topping
3 tablespoons of Vittoria drinking chocolate powder
1 cup of milk

Add the milk, crushed ice, berries, banana and the chocolate flavored things last in the blender and give it a whiz for five minutes, the results should be cold, frothy, weird-looking and purple. Simply pour the liquid in a tall glass and enjoy it with your friends. Don’t tell them that you christened it Joker Juice; they might give a few weird looks and check out the time in a very paranoid manner.

Life’s Lessons II: SHUFFLED DECKS

The new month has started for me in a storm of cookery Continue reading