Archive for August, 2006
Good Morning, class. How was that Logic class with Scythe? Was he crazy at all, or was there a rare moment of non-drug induced sanity for once? No? Ah, well… Anyway, we are here to discuss on something a Mentat always has: information.
Information comes in many shapes and forms, and one must always keep information that is kept in mind, up to date: it is crucial. Keep in mind that information can also be misleading, so be careful! A word-of-mouth information piece can be misleading if, say, one out of two people was lying about the information. Which gives you good reason for torturing the said person.
So when it comes to information, absorb what you can from articles, datapads, solido projection movies, the Information Sphere and from experiences, which prove useful. Make sure you get the hang of researching too, it is a valuable tool when needed. Don’t mind the screaming next door, by the way, and the fact that an hour ago, I was gesturing with a bloodied scalpel. Oh, if you see a shapeless lump of human flesh, that was my handiwork… It’s a pity these days that people don’t appreciate beauty in the most raw and savage of forms, really. Have a good day class and don’t forget this lesson… Or else you will become my next centerpiece!
“Hello and welcome back to my delightful, bloody and educational lectures in the Lampadas Mentat School campus. Today we are talking about the desert worms of Arrakis, not the worm I brought in to be slowly dissected last week rather sadistically, which Miles almost swallowed and choked on which gave both Edric and Piter the initiative to thump the poor Bashar-to-be to death instead of doing a traditional and lame, Heimlich Maneuver. And no, he didn’t actually die, disappointing isn’t it?”
“Anyway,the desert worms of Arrakis are something of a dangerous, man-eating tourist attraction and one of the planet’s many death-traps (well, apart from the Fremen) and it’s the reason why Arrakis stays like the Outback of Old Earth, Australia and also, the producer of the spice melange.”
“The worms start out as Sandtrout and eventually make the area around them very dry, because water to them is like poison, only more catastrophic. No Piter, Sandtrout aren’t edible, I’m sorry to say this and don’t try to take the Water of Life, it will kill you.”
“And remember, you must be prepared if you are to go to Arrakis for an “ideal” vacationing spot; go get a stillsuit from the Fremen villagers with Cysvarinne’s help, Chakobsa is one of the desert-men’s languages which will come in handy.”
“If you are going there, don’t come back to me as something that resembles Jerky preserved in Chaumas and left to di- dry. Until next time and remember, I hope you are learning from all this.”
“Good afternoon, class. How was everybody’s weekend, horrendous, tragic, gut-wrenching or simply drop-dead boring? You can chit-chat during this lesson on you guessed it thanks to Kevin Ripley and Piter’s obvious horror–Sapho Juice and What It’s Really For! Make that face again Ripley and I will put you through my own home-made pain amplifiers and vivisect you myself! That goes for you too, Miles Teg.”
“Sapho Juice is the Red Stuff that is extracted from the Ecaz tree and used by Mentats (the qualified ones, that is) to amplify their calculation speeds and render’s the user’s lips a shade of red, which saves us from wearing lipstick if we ever crash-land on Zanovar and are forced to become Jongleurs to survive. And yes, their powers on the human mind is like that of a Bene Gesserit lady, thanks to pointing that out Aerya Cysvarinne. Piter, for the thousandth time, it’s lady, not witch or wench either.”
“During my years as a teenage rebel, I brought this stuff and used it to make it look like people are bleeding, yes, you heard right. So that’s another thing you can use the stuff for, apart from paint-bomb replacements. This was during Halloween on Septimus, so yes, pretty chaotic, just like a groundcar accident.”
“Thanks for this despicably wonderful lesson and please, for your sake and my sake, come back for the next lectures hopefully and preferably, in one piece, not in several pieces like a diced chuck-steak of slig.”