The Problems With Royality: MARY, MARY

FASHION, n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.
A king there was who lost an eye
In some excess of passion;
And straight his courtiers all did try
To follow the new fashion.

Each dropped one eyelid when before
The throne he ventured, thinking
‘Twould please the king. That monarch swore
He’d slay them all for winking.

What should they do? They were not hot
To hazard such disaster;
They dared not close an eye — dared not
See better than their master.

Seeing them lacrymose and glum,
A leech consoled the weepers:
He spread small rags with liquid gum
And covered half their peepers.

The court all wore the stuff, the flame
Of royal anger dying.
That’s how court-plaster got its name
Unless I’m greatly lying.
Naramy Oof

Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary
US author & satirist (1842 – 1914)

I sat before the Sucker of Brain-cells called the Almighty Television today, with Sunrise, commenting on the Danish royality (not the sort I was thinking about with hunger, but still) and how our Princess Mary is spending too much, causing the rest of the Danes to freak out, I was thinking after hearing that, that’s what happens when they see an Aussie, one of Us, as one of Their Own; instant freak of nature. I could envision a visit if she were an alien like this:

Hapless Dane: Who are you?

Mary: Mary of the planet Ozstra’lia. Take me to your coffers, please!

Hapless Dane: !?

I guess that’s how someone such as her deals with “stress”, she spends and spends to her heart’s content, using the Danish dollar like ice-cream after a disaster breakup from one’s boyfriend or mashed potatoes, not stopping until the place is empty. Maybe it signifies something missing from her lavish life, perhaps?

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