Hilarity Chase: OZ NEWS SNIPE

I was just browsing, when this came to my eyes:

The classic Aussie sausage sanger and much-loved bacon and egg fry-up are under threat from a new global cancer report urging people to avoid processed meats completely.

Salami, ham, bacon, corned beef and sausages all come under fire in the largest study yet into the links between lifestyle and disease.

Like they haven’t told us that before. In this society, day and age, it is more correct to say that everything you do will cause cancer, including bringing a baby or two into the world or perhaps crashing somebody’s car.

Both fresh red meat and preserved meats performed poorly, with eminent researchers saying they were “convincing or probable causes of some cancers”, especially colorectal cancer.

Colon cancer? How… appetizing. Next.

“They’re not like fresh meat and they simply shouldn’t be eaten like this. Save them for your birthday, if that.”

I’m pretty sure the country who Loves Their Meat (and optional Meaty Mindless Guy) would hate to hear this and get into a drunken rage with the VB after hearing that years later, we are all prompted to become a meat-free, vegetarian country! I could hear the phone calls and the ensuing death threats and the flame wars on electronic Aussie shores and the hate mail/death threat mail/e-mail, Anno styled, like what we partially saw in the movie, End of Evangelion. Save them for our birthdays, eh? Well, I’m that case, I’ll go to the nearest meat-eaters all you can eat buffet to assuage my cravings for a year and have a Turducken eating contest-like moment, cheering as I defeat the sweat patched-shirted, pot-bellied guy with pride and do the Kobayashi Shake as a victory dance.

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